3 days shy…

Of NINE WEEKS!!! I am so happy yet so convinced that everything could go south in 1 hot second. So frustrating to not allow myself to celebrate! I looked at cribs, car seats, nursery stuff, etc. beyond the sticker shock, I was almost panicked for even allowing myself to look so early. I definitely have no intention to buy stuff anytime soon.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy. I wake up with hope and smile at the thought of what this baby will look like. I hope for a healthy child yet secretly wish for a boy since my husband and I do NOT agree on a girls name. I am truly happy just not confident. Then I start thinking, only one made it to freeze. Shit. Please hang in there baby cuz I don’t know if I can go on this emotional roller coaster ride again anytime soon. A little more time maybe. Maybe if I just get through the first trimester I’ll chill out some? Hope so. For now, hope is carrying me since a glass of wine or a tall delicious craft beer can’t.

Here is the latest ultrasound pic. You can actually see it’s big ‘ol head. Still in shock I even have one to show. But for now… I love it!


My guardian angel IS real

Heard that beautiful heartbeat at 120bpm!!! Measures came back right on track as well. So I am 7w2d now and hoping our next ultrasound on September 23rd is the same good news. I have to thank my guardian angel for this one. Meanwhile, no nausea unless I get hungry, still the mild cramping from time to time but nothing painful or horrible. I fall asleep easy but I’m up to the toilet 1-3 times a night an if I wake up around 5 am I’m hungry and can’t fall back asleep. It’s so funny how you hope and pray for this day to come so you can be happy and have a breath of relief. Instead I am just worrying along the way and hoping all goes well and overanalyzing every symptom, pinch, or twang waiting for doom. So hard to snap out of that mindset! The most amazing detail of this pregnancy is the current due date. Yes it can change, yes the baby may come early or late, BUT it was still amazing to hear “April 22nd”. That is my most loved and amazing Grandmother’s birthday. She passed away last year and always said that we will be parents but it will happen on God’s time. Well I think she had a hand in this one. I love her and miss her so much so maybe that is why IVF didn’t work the first time. Maybe it was meant to be that my child would share the birthday of such an amazing human being. Maybe my grandma really is my guardian angel and looking down on me. I’ve always had a hard time grasping that whole concept but maybe this was her way of saying “HEY!! I am here!!!”



Had a slight scare moment Friday night. Had cramping, not horrible but enough to irritate, and slight TMI spotting. Also had a pain in my side. With my history of ectopic it threw my mind into overdrive so we went to ER. After a pelvic exam, blood tests, a catheter that felt like it was made of barbed wire, and an ultrasound, all is well. Doc said no need to worry and everything looks great. Even saw the sac/yolk sac on the screen right where it should be. Beta went from 348 to 1361 in 2 days. Phew. As my good friend said, “welcome to motherhood and all the worrying that comes with it.”
Next ultrasound scheduled for
September 2nd. Hopefully we get to see or hear the heartbeat to put our minds at ease a little more.
So IVF#2 is still the winner.


Still faint but still there. Could this be the real thing? Am I going to make it to Friday without losing my effin gourd over this??? GAHHHHHHHH
I keep analyzing the pic and holding it, tilting it, and just still in disbelief. I won’t believe it til I hear a good beta result. I’m so afraid to get my hopes up. The husband got super excited and then pulled his guard back up and said he’s going crazy for Friday too. He said that’s all he could think about while driving around at work. While handcuffing somebody he said he had it in his head. He’s a hot mess like me and we just want an official “everything is okay” which we won’t believe until we are at LEAST 12 weeks along. Hell, we may not believe it until we’re in the delivery room. For all that is holy and good… PLEASE let this be a BFP. After the 1st IVF failed I can honestly say I didn’t have a whole lot of confidence going into round 2. Ugh.
(Chewing my fingers)