Sweet 16

I made it this far. 16 weeks. But when does the worrying stop? The wondering if there is still another little heartbeat inside of me. Met with the therapist at OB practice. She was a flake. Did me ZERO good. She was lame. I honestly question what degree she holds. She asked me random questions about family members and husband and how we met, what I do for a living, blah blah blah. I managed to say in one sentence how the anxiety consumes me. We didn’t really discuss it past that. She handed me a shit CD to listen to and said to practice the exercise in it once daily. How bout you blow me once daily. (Sorry but honestly speaking my mind here).
Anywho…. Happy that I’m in a position to worry about being pregnant but not happy that I cannot let go and just enjoy this moment. Am I crazy? Until then I will snuggle my pug and hope for the best that baby is doing good. UGH

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Weekly update- WEEK 13

How far along: 13w3d

Baby’s size: approx. 3″ long. About the size of a peach. (I assume they mean balled up? Or maybe the length of a peach? I’ve eaten peaches much bigger than this.

Total weight gain: have no clue. Last appointment at 10 weeks I was up 3.4lbs from where I was when I left IVF doctor. I don’t own a scale. Never have. I go by inches. And so far I’m doing pretty ok. I’m sure that shit will change some day. Until then, enjoying the minor bloat? Poof? Tummy? Intestines migrating north to make room for uterus? Hell I don’t know.

Maternity clothes: Nope. Been managing with hair ties and belly bands. My favorite wardrobe choice= adorbs shirt with jacket or cardigan combo/or long sweater and my favorite rider boots over a pair of comfy stretch pants. Time to go buy more boots :))) darn.

Stretch marks: so far so good. If it happens, I’ll be researching laser correction. Not really the vain type but I do prefer bikinis. And don’t get me wrong- I will cherish each and every mark this baby gives me (for the short time I decide to keep those marks)

Sleep: I fall out in less than 2 minutes but wake up 2-3 times to pee. For the most part I sleep 8-10 hours but sometimes I can’t get back to sleep once my eyes open.Woke up at 5:45 on Saturday morning and that was it. Up all day till 11.

Symptoms/Feeling: tired “ish” but nothing too crazy. No nausea or morning sickness–just the occassional awesome dry heave. And speaking of feeling…. I CANNOT feel my fundus!! Is there a fundus amongus? I know how to and what to feel for but can’t find it!!!! Another bullet to add to the “Why Tina Worries” list. Am I the only one?

Best moment of this week: doctor appointment in 2 days- I’m sure that will be my highlight as I hope to be reassured that the heart is still beating. I’m sick with worry. 2nd moment- signing papers for liquor license for the new bar and grill I’m opening. Yay!!!

Miss anything: buttoning my silver jeans and not being scared to have sex or the big “O”. Don’t ask me why. I know that doc said fine but I’m still nervous and apprehensive. Gve in to hubs once. Thank God he is patient and understands my anxiety.

Movement: I’m sure the babe is cutting a rug in there but I doubt I feel it. Every once in awhile I feel a blurb but I’ll chalk it up to gas :0

Food cravings: Italiano. All. Day. Everyday. Maybe some Mexican food in between. (And fruity pebbles). Hell I want everything.

Anything making you queasy or sick: just my ultra sensitive gag reflex. No nausea to warn me it’s coming though. Just a certain smell or for no reason at all I’ll dry heave for a second and feel fine afterwards. Weird

Have you started to show yet: not really. Can’t wait to though- maybe it would reassure me that things are moving along appropriately? Doubtful hah!

Gender: It’s a mystery still. Debating on finding out through chromosome test. Hubby thinks ultrasound would be more exciting for the reveal. Personally, I wanna know what to start shopping for!!!! Well, when I feel less scared about this then I’ll start shopping.

Labor signs: ummmmm no

Belly button in or out: In, and reallllllly hoping it stays that way. Eeeewwww

Wedding rings on or off: On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Those who know me say I’m moody but honestly I think I’m overall happy with a dash of fear and anxiety. Husband says I just seem more sensitive and cry more. Not like a mad or sad cry- like a “oh wow that commercial for Kleenex was so sweet” kinda cry.

Looking forward to: Actually showing and being less worried about this pregnancy ending. When will it end??!!

Purchases for baby: A handful of Dr.Seuss books and stuffed animals to go with the Seuss themed nursery 🙂 a friend of ours does interior design and I am SO excited to see what she comes up with. Just got a beautiful solid wood/ painted white armoire to go in there. How much? FREE!!! Gotta love friends. And speaking of purchases- I hope they make a toast costume for babies because hubby and I are bacon and eggs this year for Halloween. Next year we shall add toast 🙂

Almost 10 weeks!

I had my last appointment with RE which finished with a big tear filled hug. Even HE was teary eyed!! He was so awesome. We will miss him dearly. The ultrasound was amazing! Little babe was raisin’ the roof! Like seriously. Both hands up in the air with the arms pushing up and down haha. Loved it. There was a whole lot of squirming too when the tech was trying to get measurements. We’re over the moon. I guess it’s time to make myself a client at my photography biz and come up with a crafty way to announce the news. Not sure what angle I’m gonna go with. Most likely humor as it best fits the hubby and I. We are a tad on the dork level and spend most of our time acting like fools so…..
Time to say cheese for myself!!! And time to put the timer and tripod to use (which I’ve never used either cuz I hate tripods) can’t wait to post pics!!!
Oh, and a side note…
My biggest baby and first sweet chubby love- Murphy, turned 8 today. We celebrated accordingly and spoiled him rotten with table scraps and a puppy sundae. Our other fur baby was happy to participate.

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3 days shy…

Of NINE WEEKS!!! I am so happy yet so convinced that everything could go south in 1 hot second. So frustrating to not allow myself to celebrate! I looked at cribs, car seats, nursery stuff, etc. beyond the sticker shock, I was almost panicked for even allowing myself to look so early. I definitely have no intention to buy stuff anytime soon.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy. I wake up with hope and smile at the thought of what this baby will look like. I hope for a healthy child yet secretly wish for a boy since my husband and I do NOT agree on a girls name. I am truly happy just not confident. Then I start thinking, only one made it to freeze. Shit. Please hang in there baby cuz I don’t know if I can go on this emotional roller coaster ride again anytime soon. A little more time maybe. Maybe if I just get through the first trimester I’ll chill out some? Hope so. For now, hope is carrying me since a glass of wine or a tall delicious craft beer can’t.

Here is the latest ultrasound pic. You can actually see it’s big ‘ol head. Still in shock I even have one to show. But for now… I love it!

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My guardian angel IS real

Heard that beautiful heartbeat at 120bpm!!! Measures came back right on track as well. So I am 7w2d now and hoping our next ultrasound on September 23rd is the same good news. I have to thank my guardian angel for this one. Meanwhile, no nausea unless I get hungry, still the mild cramping from time to time but nothing painful or horrible. I fall asleep easy but I’m up to the toilet 1-3 times a night an if I wake up around 5 am I’m hungry and can’t fall back asleep. It’s so funny how you hope and pray for this day to come so you can be happy and have a breath of relief. Instead I am just worrying along the way and hoping all goes well and overanalyzing every symptom, pinch, or twang waiting for doom. So hard to snap out of that mindset! The most amazing detail of this pregnancy is the current due date. Yes it can change, yes the baby may come early or late, BUT it was still amazing to hear “April 22nd”. That is my most loved and amazing Grandmother’s birthday. She passed away last year and always said that we will be parents but it will happen on God’s time. Well I think she had a hand in this one. I love her and miss her so much so maybe that is why IVF didn’t work the first time. Maybe it was meant to be that my child would share the birthday of such an amazing human being. Maybe my grandma really is my guardian angel and looking down on me. I’ve always had a hard time grasping that whole concept but maybe this was her way of saying “HEY!! I am here!!!”

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5W2d

Had a slight scare moment Friday night. Had cramping, not horrible but enough to irritate, and slight TMI spotting. Also had a pain in my side. With my history of ectopic it threw my mind into overdrive so we went to ER. After a pelvic exam, blood tests, a catheter that felt like it was made of barbed wire, and an ultrasound, all is well. Doc said no need to worry and everything looks great. Even saw the sac/yolk sac on the screen right where it should be. Beta went from 348 to 1361 in 2 days. Phew. As my good friend said, “welcome to motherhood and all the worrying that comes with it.”
Next ultrasound scheduled for
September 2nd. Hopefully we get to see or hear the heartbeat to put our minds at ease a little more.
So IVF#2 is still the winner.