New Chapters. Literally.

As much as my life is consumed by the thought of babies, baby making, dildo cams, self inflicted injections, and forgetting to shave before ultrasounds, I am trying to make use of my down time before IVF#2 by writing my book. A book that has nothing to do with babies or baby making. An escape from reality. A different place, different people, and a time other than my now. I needed a different goal to focus on and this one has been stewing for long enough.
My second goal, to figure out why the hell I don’t have a gravatar after copious attempts. Alas I shall remain the cubed checker square. Pfft. Enjoy the weekend and find something else to occupy your mind. It seems to be helping me (kind of).


Zero raised

While we are not “poor” or struggling, fertility expenses have stacked up and we have one more try at a fresh IVF cycle. Hopefully a few embryos make it to freeze so we have 1-maybe 2 more chances. Not holding our breath but it’s worth the sliver of hope. Planning ahead, we will adopt if all of this fails. Maybe that is what we are meant to do. Small problem…adoption is not free. It would take us some time to save up the funds for such a blessing. In a meek attempt I came up with a few shirts on In 3 weeks we have sold ZERO. It breaks my heart. Not one. Zero. I know everybody has their own problems but I had this small voice in my head saying “if they can buy Starbucks everyday or spend $200 on a purse, surely they have $20 to buy a shirt and help us with our goal.” I was wrong. Maybe people are sick of seeing my posts about trying to find lost dogs or trying to have a baby. Maybe they have hidden me from their newsfeed cuz I’m not posting a bunch of fun stuff or I am simply posting too much. After these thoughs, I have socially withdrawn myself. I don’t have anything fun to talk about. I don’t think bad about anybody not buying the shirt-don’t get me wrong… I’m just sad. Sad beyond words that I just can’t picture anything working out for us. Maybe we weren’t meant to be parents? I don’t know. That’s how I feel at this point in time. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. Still not giving up though. Just running out of ideas to keep me motivated. Patience is a virtue. But I have been sitting in that virtue for years now. I will be 40 in August. Slightly freaked.